Part of the fun of being sex positive is the things we learn along the way, send me a ticket to any sex related seminar and I will be there front and center ready to learn, as a person that craves knowledge I am truly happiest when I am learning something new, I feel we can all better ourselves mentally as well as physically.
As Ethan and I continue our journey into the lifestyle, one of the things that has become apparent to me is how important first impressions are, many times throughout our exploration we won’t get another chance to make an impression so this becomes our only shot to make it a memorable one.
Another thing that has become apparent to me is how I am not likely to tell you when I think you are doing something wrong. If I can tolerate it, I will let you do your thing, and if it hurts, I will push you away. I won’t turn a play session into an educational thing because no one wants to feel like they’re back in school with naked strangers. The thing with sex is that it isn’t a one size fits all. So I decided to comprise a list of do’s and don’ts for men that I have personally experienced in the lifestyle .
1. Learn Where The G-Spot Is.
I am grateful that most guys past the age of 22 now know where the clitoris is but what I found shocking was how very few men actually knew where the G-spot is. I have had men just fiddle about down there as though their fingers are just secondary dicks, thrusting in and out with no aim or purpose. However, I can look past mini dick fingers, even though they won't make me orgasm they also don't hurt so they simply become...meh (for lack of a better word). The worst is when I get a scratcher, the guy who mistakes my uterus for a g-spot, so what is supposed to be pleasurable becomes a nightmare gynecological exam. Men, if you have to practically dislocate your fingers in order to reach what you believe is the g-spot than you are in the wrong place. The first few times it happened to me I thought maybe it's just hard to find so I made a mental note to have a look myself the next time I was in the presence of a consenting vagina. I slipped my short (they are very short) fingers inside her and curled forward towards her belly button until I found the rough patch, I rubbed it as I sucked her clit and watched her go wild. I told myself this could have been a fluke and maybe she just had a very obvious g-spot so I experimented again with the next vagina I had the opportunity to grace and the same thing. This second females g-spot was a little different feeling that the first but it was still a slightly rough spot on the front wall of the vagina. Any readers out there that think the g-spot is actually a bulgy spot is sadly misguided. The next time you have a vagina waiting to be teased simply slide two fingers inside and curl forward as though you are beckoning it towards you. According to Ethan, some women prefer a reverse beckoning motion where you start at the front of the vagina and push up and backwards.
2. Don’t Be Rough Unless Requested.
Not everyone wants their nipples twisted until they burn so it’s impolite to assume that just because your girlfriend or wife gets off on having their nips twisted 360 degrees around the world, your play partner wants that too. If I want pain I will tell you I want pain and if I want my nipples twisted, I will say something along the lines of “twist my nipples” - I don't think it will become any clearer than that. Also any form of slapping, scratching or general roughness isn’t an option with play partners, especially if it isn't discussed prior to the activity.
Anyone who watches porn these days knows that porn has gotten a lot rougher, its common to see porn actresses get slapped about, spat on, choked etc, and this seems to have lead to an increase younger men assuming that this is what sex is about, it’s a shame that we now have to tell potential partners that we don't want pain as opposed to it being the norm. Maybe I am just old school, but anytime Ethan and I explore our kinkier side we have to build up to it, we have learned each others boundaries and respect each other on a deep level. So guys when it comes to pain with a new partner, you either ask about it first or you wait until she tells you what she wants.
3. Clean Up.
I don’t mean after you jizz all over her, although etiquette would dictate that it would be the correct thing to do as well. I mean clean yourself up prior. If you are planning on meeting up for potential sex, give the old dick a good scrub down first, make an effort to floss and brush your teeth, wear some deodorant or a few sprays of the cologne, and finally I beg you to trim your damn finger nails….this is even more important if you are one of those uterus scratchers I mentioned above.
4. Don't Rub The Clitoris Like You're Trying To Erase It.
That thing isn't going anywhere and it isn't necessary to give yourself carpal tunnel trying to rub it away. The thing with the clitoris (or at least mine) is that when it becomes over stimulated it becomes desensitized to what is happening, Its like my body has a built in shut down mechanism to being over stimulated. Yes clitoris stimulation is important and yes we all love a good rub session, but be deliberate about it.
5. Do Try A Few Techniques To See What She Likes.
I discussed masturbation a couple of posts ago and through masturbation was how I discovered how I like to be touched, and because I have taught Ethan how I like to be touched, he has become a pro at how to fuck and play with me….no one else….just me. He knows that he has to play around with his technique whenever he plays with other women, just because I like something, doesn’t mean they will too. Listen to the way she moans, is her body pulling towards you or shifting away from you, is she holding your head down or pushing your shoulders away. When I get intimate with a new partner for the first time, they aren't likely to tell you when you're not doing something right, in the lifestyle it's more important than ever to make it right the first time, otherwise you’ll be written off as a bad lover. So listen and look out for the cues that she wants you to continue what you're doing or if she wants you to stop.
6. Do Not Cum Without Warning.
Emily Post will agree that it is good sense and thoughtful to be considerate of the woman that is sucking your dick to inform her that you are about to cum, you should NEVER assume its OK to cum in someone else's mouth, and you should never arrogantly expect them to swallow, this isn’t just lifestyle etiquette 101, it’s just common decency. You have to remember that the rules you have between you and your wife or girlfriend do not automatically apply to everyone that enters your bedroom.
7. Foreplay, Foreplay, Foreplay.
While some people walk around in a constant state of arousal, it isn’t the norm, and being in the lifestyle doesn’t mean that we are horny all the time. I happily confess that I am not of the norm and I do walk around in a constant state of arousal but for Ethan its different, he needs foreplay, and by foreplay I don’t mean his dick jerked off...I mean he needs a little flirtation, some sexy conversation, suggestive discussion, sexy stories, things to mentally get him in the mood to rip your clothes off. This is why we differ in how we approach the lifestyle, it is why I will happily entertain the club scene and he prefers finding couples we connect with.
8. No Recording Without Permission.
Seriously, this shouldn't need to be explained, but the amount of videos I have been sent during my dating adventures where I suspect the girl doesn’t know shes being recorded is shocking. It's always the same, sneaky guy going at it doggy style and the phone whips away quickly as she looks like she's about to turn her head. It’s wrong, so very wrong. I was at a swinger event once and I noticed the host had his phone in his hand and I called him out on it, fortunately he was just checking his messages but it should always be a rule that there should be no phones in the vicinity.