Updated: Jul 10, 2019
Before I start this article I should inform my readers that I came from a large ultra conservative family where children were sheltered from adult conversation and even topics such as starting your period was taboo. Yes you read that correctly, period talk with your young coming of age daughter was a big no no. I used to believe that my period involved me squatting my legs over a bathtub while blood gushed forth like a river, I spent my early tween years dreading it, so you can imagine my relief to find out that early menses was nothing more than a mere smear in your underpants.
So this story begins with a visit to the UK. I flew out to attend a friends wedding, Ethan had plans to fly out later for few days so we could have a little vacation and meet some of my family. My friends wedding was beautiful, the ceremony and reception was in an old country cottage surrounded by rolling fields, It had been a few years since I had been in England and it felt good to be around old friends and family again.
Ethan arrived in London the following weekend. We planned to meet at the hotel he was staying at so we could explore London together for a couple of days, I made sure we hit all the tourist spots and took him to some little hole in the wall places that made amazing food before boarding the train to my hometown.
I showed him around my hometown, the neighborhood I grew up in, the school I went to, and the place I used to go when I pretended I was a kidnapped princess whenever I had an argument with my mother. I took him to our little town center and of course I took him to our local adult store, very typical behavior for us.
There's a preconceived notion that British people are quite conservative, I am here to tell you that its not true. Our sex stores are mingled in with other high street stores. Lube and vibrators are nothing for grown adults to be embarrassed about.
While exploring the adult store, Ethan and I found ourselves in the bondage aisle, he had been on the search for some soft rope so I could have comfort while he puts me in my place. We both eyed the door straps at the same time. It was £40, not terribly expensive but still wasteful if we didn't end up using it more than once. We decided against buying it but knowing that fathers day was approaching I figured it would be a great gift. Father > daddy > dom...you see the link?
A week later after he had returned to the USA and I was preparing to fly back myself I decided I would pop into town and buy the straps. The next morning while having tea with my mother I told her that I was going to run into town to get some last minute supplies, after ten years of living in Chicago there were still a few items I couldn't live without. Johnson and Johnson earbuds, Radox bubble bath, Oxo cubes and Heinz baked beans and sausages. She said it sounded like a great idea and that she would join me and as an added bonus we could take the kids. ..........FUCK!!!.........how the hell am I going to purchase the door straps in a sex shop with my old school mother and my kids in tow? I tried telling her it would be faster if I went alone but any attempts to talk her out of coming failed, she simply wanted to “bond” ughhh….once those words dropped out of her mouth, I knew I was screwed. So we all jumped into her car and headed to town, she parked and wanted to take the kids to McDonald's for breakfast....Aha! I could leave them at Mackey D’s and run over to the store, I could disguise the bag in my big purse and no one would be any wiser. So I ordered them breakfast, cut up my daughters pancakes and ran over to the store to buy the straps telling my mom I had to check on something I was going to surprise the kids with......good lawd......another lie.
It was a bad day to be wearing heels especially to a town center where the streets were old cobblestones and very uneven, I was surprised I didn't break an ankle as I ran up the high street and to the store. I made it to the store only to see a note posted on the door "We Will Be Closed Today Until 11:30 For Stocking." What the actual fuck? Who shuts down a store to do inventory during business hours, either I have been too spoiled in America or some higher power was having fun with me. As we were only going to be in town until 11:30 I decided to call it a loss and head back to my family. My mum asked me if I picked up what I needed and I told her they were out of stock, she told me that if I wanted to order whatever it was she could have my sister ship it to me, for a split second I pictured my parents receiving this bondage gear in the mail and having a heart attack before burning it and calling me the devil.
After breakfast we did a little shopping, by 11 am my mother decided she was ready to leave and so we started walking towards the car which involved walking past the adult store again. Lo and behold the store was open, I didn't have time to come up with a good excuse so I just said,
“Mum, take the kids to the car I have to get something from the pervert store real quick”.
Pervert store is a loose translation of what she actually called it. I dashed in just as she made a comment about me being dirty minded while shielding the kids and pulling them in the direction of the parking lot.
I entered the store and made a beeline for the bondage section, I picked up the straps and paused for a moment while looking down at my body, I am not a small person, I have thighs, ass and boobs, I looked at the straps again and figured if we try this, one of us is going to break a body part. I asked the girl at the checkout if the straps had a weight limit, she was a little chubbier than me and told me that she has tried them with her partner she assured me that they could take my weight. So I set it on the counter and she rang me up, as an added bonus the straps were now 50% off. If they did end up gathering dust after the first usage I wouldn't feel so bad about wasting money.
A few days later and back in the states, while the children were with their father. I surprised Ethan with the father's day gift, at first he was confused and possibly very scared that was until I assured him I wasn't pregnant. He excitedly tore open the box and couldn't wait to try it out. I on the other hand was a little bit more apprehensive, I had every right to be considering it was my thunder thighs that was going to be hoisted up into that thing. I told him I purchased it for future use and it was up to me to decide when we could use it.
Future use ended up being that evening. Our intimacy is rarely ever follows a pattern, sometimes it's following an intense make out session, sometimes it's when one of us gets horny in the middle of a movie (at home...you pervy readers). Sometimes it's when we are laying down for the night, sometimes it's after an argument, sometimes when I'm being a brat and sometimes simply because he's horny…..what can I say, I find it hard to deny him. So we were having a playful night and he’s decided he wanted to tie me to the bed, I instead suggest taking out the straps. We pulled it out and placed the holder bar over the door and closed it, I gave it a good yank to test the strength and it is surprisingly strong, we adjusted the straps so that my body will be level to his cock and then we encountered our first issue...how the fuck was I going to climb my 5’2 chunky self into those straps. I couldn't lift my whole body weight on my hands alone so Ethan awkwardly tried to lift me up, his knee under my cooch holding me while my legs were flailing around trying to catch the leg strap, we were laughing and sweating so much I had to get a stool from another room and calm myself down before attempting again, there was nothing sexual or romantic about the whole process but eventually we did manage to get in. We we still laughing as I was hanging there and joking about feeling like a side of cow that's been left to hang in a meat locker.
Suddenly he got serious, he grabbed me and pulls me to him, (not that I had another option), keeping eye contact to make me focus, he began to kiss me and pulls me onto him, I was already wet with anticipation and we began to rock back and forth, I realized I could no longer control my body so I gave in and let him take the lead. We fucked like this for a while before I sensed one strap was lower than the other. Thinking one had loosened I ask him to pull it tighter. As he was adjusting the strap I looked up and I noticed that the door was pulling inward. I burst out laughing while trying to free my leg and release the strain on my bedroom door, cue another fit of laughter and panic as we released me, I couldn't believe I almost broke my door, another lesson learned, do not use straps on the opening side of the door. Also do not use on a cheap hollow core door. The whole session lasted approximate 30 minutes with more than 20 of those minutes spent on adjusting, and trying to get in and out of the straps.
In conclusion, would I try the straps again? absofuckinglutly! I am never one to only try something once, the straps have a lot of potential. Is it great for intercourse? Yes especially if you are in the mood for hard and fast, I think it has even greater potential when used in conjunction with other toys. Straps are definitely a bedroom aide you want to use with someone you trust and are completely comfortable with, being pinned completely naked against the door, legs spread open reminded me of giving birth and its that level of vulnerability that you feel again when you’re hanging there, every pimple and imperfection is waving hello to your partner and he is free to explore your body as much as he wants and as he wants...... providing the door doesn't break off its hinges and crushes him.